When I made the career transition from lawyer to relationship coach and frisky boutique owner, I faced my fair share of skepticism from those around me. Sex was not something my friends or family had ever spoken about openly, let alone something they could imagine a person centering their entire life and profession around. “Aren’t there bigger fish to fry? Wasn’t your law work more meaningful – and more lucrative?” I heard this from all directions, and I have to stand up for my choices to this very day.
Allow me to explain. Sex is a perfectly healthy and natural occurrence – but beyond nature and reproduction, it exists to give us pleasure and enhance our lives. (Science is on my side here – the clitoris is the only human organ whose sole function is sexual pleasure!) The problem is that sex has been labeled “private” and “indulgent,” when it’s anything but. I want to shift the conversation to recognize the healthy essentiality of sex, and to make it appropriate for public discussion.
For women especially, it’s alarmingly easy for sex to start to feel like a bore, a chore, or an obligation in our long-term relationships. It’s generally seen as something we can live without. In fact, in one study, the majority of people would rather have coffee than have sex! How sad is that!?
As a heterosexual woman, I’m also faced with another subset of doubts: Have I been pressured by the patriarchy into defining my self-worth by my sexual prowess? Have I put too many hours and too much effort into learning how to please a man?
Oh heck no. On the contrary, I’ve taken charge of my own pleasure in the best way, and I want to teach others how to do the same.
Many of us went through years – maybe even decades – of our lives feeling too embarrassed to discuss sex at all. This culture of silence is due in part to a lack of education and lack of frankness. Generations of people have no idea how to be a passionate lover or pinpoint what they like in bed – or they think they know, but still hold a rather limited, shallow, and straightforward understanding of sex.
Sexuality is a very meaningful channel of self-expression, just like the fashion styles we wear or the arts and crafts we might create. Napoleon Hill touched on this briefly in his 1937 book “Think and Grow Rich.” Sexual energy can add intensity and passion to many facets of our lives. Hill believed we could become our best selves by channeling surplus sexual energy into other outlets, instead of suppressing or eliminating it. He compared sexual shame and repression to a dam about to burst! But when sex is fun and attainable, instead of stressful and rare, we can properly embrace its place in our lives. He went on to explain “how to give sex emotion an outlet through some form of creative effort, for [one] has, by that discovery, lifted [oneself] to the status of a genius. The emotion of sex contains the secret of creative ability.”
It’s true! Sexually-satisfied people are more creative, more emotionally content and well-adjusted, and more confident. That confidence seeps into other realms of their lives in positive ways. When we are more likely to take charge of our pleasure in the bedroom, we are more likely to take charge of our pleasure OUTSIDE the bedroom as well!
When we get to know our own bodies and feel totally in control of our own satisfaction, we feel more empowered overall. We care less about the opposition and judgment of others.
Sex should – and can – be all about joy and pleasure. And who doesn’t want to inject more of that entire their life!? Additionally, all kinds of hormones and endorphins are released when we orgasm. Science has shown it helps alleviate cramps and delivers oxytocin, also known as “the love hormone.” This important neurotransmitter is associated with empathy, trust, and relationship-building, meaning a good sex life will make you feel more emotionally in sync with your partner as well! Don’t you need to feel desired and validated? Don’t we all?
Helping women and couples blossom and step into their power is the most rewarding calling I’ve ever found. I want to help people discover all of the truths above, and implement this bevy of emotional and physical benefits into their lives. It starts by talking about sex, starting conversations, then educating, inspiring, and encouraging passionate pleasure! We can all find more security, more fun, more peace, and more joy in our lives…
And that’s a pretty big deal to me. 🙂